When the Sky Fades from Electric Blue

Darling creature who treads water like land,

Is everything well ?

With every sentence I begin writing, thousands of words in every language dance with the sentiments I’d like to send your way.

Today I release myself temporarily from this mundane existence. Point A to Point B is no longer the distance from one significance to the next, but instead it becomes significant itself. In life I find we spend so much time analyzing what we can see that we forget to leave room for the things that we can’t.

Today I cannot dismiss my cravings for you like I can for the other things that can never be. I know that as time moves forward I’ll further fade from your mind, as you’ll fade from mine. However, it is up to our discretion to decide when time is relative to us enough to dictate such a thing. Yesterday my lingering feelings for you lived only in my dreams, but today I love you the same way I did when I said it to you the first time.

I pulled out a Christmas CD from 2019 and it reminded me of something that I’d never said.

I’m sorry.

Sometimes I didn’t forget, I just wasn’t listening.

I was too lost contemplating how unfathomable it was that the sound of your voice alone was so intoxicating, there wasn’t any room left to try and make sense of what you were actually saying.

I’ve avoided writing to you more because I never want our relationship to become a topic of conversation that ends with you deciding that our lingering contact has become unhealthy.

I still hope to be considered a friend to you forevermore.

You likely won’t hear from me for awhile after this, but I want you to know with no doubt in your mind that you will always be a bookmarked chapter in my life. I miss you and I’m forever grateful for the many ways you helped me grow in such a short time.

To avoid rambling forever, I’ll leave you with a question.

What do you feel when you forget what you know ?

With every drop of existence that I embody, I wish you good health.

– The crazy girl you had a fling with in 2019 💛

A Pandemic to Cure all Ailments…

You know, during this pandemic,I’ve realized a lot of things.

The things I chose that made me unhappy, though in the moment I never realize why; the many things I should’ve been grateful for; the things that I thought I had wanted but didn’t.

I never could have predicted what was wrong until I felt the difference when things had already changed.

An effervescence. A bitter sweet taste.

Soap that suddenly turns to bubbles to reflect the world in a rainbow.

It knows how easy it can pop.

I’m happy. Really, really happy.

I worked too much. I forgot the things that made every day exciting and worth life.

I’ve been in quarantine for 4 days.

And for once, I have time to sweep the patio. For the first time since I was a kid, I cut back all the brambles hanging over the deck. I finished an entire page in my colouring book.

An ENTIRE page.

I MEDITATED.

I felt this CONTENT.

This pandemic,

It’s ironic how only in the moments that we fear our end, do we realize the things that we don’t want to.

People are going to be lost….

It’s the inevitability that’s pushing us to be proactive.

However people have, and still will be lost…..

I wonder,

How many at this moment,

Contemplate their morality ?

Suddenly we realize….

What we’ve created, might be all we get to leave. How we’ve created it, an example someone might seek to follow.

I don’t know who I am.

But for once I don’t know why I ever needed to.

I prayed today.

For the first time since I can remember.

I forgot to give thanks, so I’ll give thanks now.

THANK YOU◦ For all the blessing and curses you’ve given me, oh glorious universe.

Føcus

Rust corrupts the floor through a presentation of bubbling rage. Focus flees from me as I attempt to grasp it like wind. Cold coffee from a dusty old can and a paint stained binder, touched by many finger prints. For poetry, I attempt to persevere, though even my writing lives amongst chaos. It’s as if I am the tree, my thoughts the twigs compiled into a jumbled mess and I’m left wonder if the eggs inside will ever hatch.

The prophet, my second attempt reads. What if the answers I need are hidden amongst the pages ? Waiting behind the black stripes on the cover. My mind flits to you like eyelashes fluttering under a blinding light. You’re a pitcher of water filling my glass, but we’ve hit too close and now I’ve cracked. I can’t ask you to fill me faster than I leak, simply an old poster of a once beautiful scene.

Withering away from the environment. What again ? Was the dream that it portrayed ? I asked the golden sands what dream it had gave, but for me he had nothing more to say.

Sometimes I wonder… The mountain tops we see, so calm in their sleep. I wonder if they willingly fold so that we might climb and for a moment breath. Then the highest outlines leading to peaks to which we wouldn’t dare to creep, are simply unwilling to deceive us into thinking they’re simply rocks compiled to sit under our feet.

There are many languages I’ve begun learning to phrase. All have yet to assure me that words will ever really be enough. We see the collision before it occurs, but in truth none of us really look. I could write you a book on all the things overlooked, but that would entail that I myself am not also blind. In reality it seems all this questioning is simply rather deafening to my mind.

How many senses do we each really even have ? I wish to be touched but reject the scenario because I have yet to be touched in a way that skin can only mimic in this tangible world. I crave to taste, for at least when I consume there is something left inside… inevitably breaking down like every other fickle thing we perceive as strong.

Only improperly do I call them things. Though I suppose a thing is what I too am. Does anyone care to debate ? I close my eyes and as a prophet may perceive the future, I remember my past.

My darling sandman, how could I have left you so dry ? I asked you for a dream when you were already mine. Now rather than a pitcher, you’re regarding me like dry sockets where tears can no longer cry. I think now it is time, I learn to focus in my own right. Then maybe we can share an ugly truth rather than a beautiful lie.

THE WORLDxYOUxINSPIRE…Culd we all be friends ?

Tried rooting my beard

Seems youth seeds no longer grow

And now you can’t have nature

Without a credit cards flashy shows

La vie en rose

Is now a perfume everyone knows

I just wanna dream of you like sweat and soap

They say the land has eyes and the lashes tickle your feet

Please be kind it whispers…

As the wind blows garbage to a place your hand can meet

We all make mistakes

Simply for you to make up for them it seeks

I know you guys are friends

Introduce me to someone could you please ?

You corrupt my mind

But with you it ain’t free

To be with you indefinitely

A pretty penny I’d have to be

The world wants more

So in turn we need your friend

But you’re the only one that can help me

Like no else could even pretend

I crave your scent like soap and sweat

They say the land has eyes and the lashes tickle your feet

Please be kind it whispers…

As the wind blows garbage to a place your hand can meet

We all make mistakes

Simply for you to make up for them it seeks

I know you guys are friends

Introduce me to someone could you please ?

To The Future Blue 💙

You know, one time you woke up bleary eyed, and he said that the meaning of your name didn’t begin to describe the light that opening your eyes brought to the world.

You know, the first time he came over, your first interaction was him lifting a guitar and watermelon Jack Daniels and you lifting a wii remote and sleemans.

You know, one time before sex, he asked you to put on a rick and morty sweater. Not only did you do it, but you made a dance out of it too.

You know, one time you gave up your dream, because someone else had the same one, and the look in their eyes was defeated whenever you got a compliment instead of them. Now their well on their way to that dream.

You know, one time while you were working, you yelled in front of all the customers to your manager “I only take a shit when I’m getting payed for it!”.

You know, one time someone called you crude. So you giggled and burped in their face.

You know, one time you made an elderly lady laugh, because you convinced her that you’d turn all the workers of a bakery, into an orchestra that would take the world by storm.

You know, everytime you preached to no one and everyone, someone was listening.

You know, when a taller Daniel Radcliffe came into your work and you swooned, he swooned a bit too.

Did you know that even if they blame you, it doesn’t mean that it’s your fault.

Did you know that even though you weren’t loved when you needed to be, doesn’t mean that others won’t love you after.

Did you know ? Everytime you pushed them away, there was always someone that kept trying.

Did you realize ?? That through all those walls, someone still always slipped through ?

Did you know ??? That everytime you wanted to die and didn’t allow yourself, it was the universe telling you that you were meant for something more.

Did you know ? I love you.

I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you when you find this hidden in a dusty old notebook years from now.

Now, did you know ¿ That even though you couldn’t believe it, they love you too.

So when you read this, tell someone you love them. Because saying it, will never make you weak.

Did you know ? Love is stronger than anything?

Did you know ? You’ve always been capable of love, and love, you will always have.

~Blue

¿ Déjà Vu Who ¿

Reality, after reality, they loop endlessly/

Dancing down the line with that consistency/

A flow of people, with a thought weighing their minds.

I close my eyes, and imagine myself in each different reality/

Often simple changes, caused by small activities/

Like what I had eaten that day.

But sometimes it’s more all consuming/

and it almost begins to feel degrading/

Because suddenly, I’m living a completely new life.

I imagine that déjà vu is caused by my reality’s self shifting/

Realizing, that slowly, things continue changing/

Brushing close to another reality’s me, because we’re wandering down similar paths.

Or maybe it’s something completely different, like a similar memory/

From a past life, or even an old movie/

Or just simply, past me feeling myself doing what future me has already done

Joyful Simpleton X Tortured Genius

My lenses bear the scratches of my past, dreaming of their removal.

Seeing my eyes glisten, free at last to see clearly the life that I’ve made.

To appreciate fully what I’ve been given & what I gave.

To show through my eyes what I’m not willing to say.

“I love you X I hate you”

The horrid days that refuse to leave me sane.

But I know! One day my dream will come to pass.

My happiness won’t be questioned by self. I am me, and I am happy, & that is fact.

Sometimes I may forget myself & lose all tact, but to be the joyful simpleton itself is the greatest of acts.

June 13th, 2024.

In five years from today I’m going to send this blogs link to a friend of mine.

June 13th, 2024.

No one that knows me currently follows this blog.

I won’t share my name.

However one day when I’m 80 years old, I’ll have 3 foot long black hairs dangling from my chin. Dragons tattooed on both upper arms, flying as I jiggle my chicken fat whilst chasing hooligans down the street, naked save for a diaper and clacking tongs, screaming “I’ll get you for this”.

I will release my true name.

In five years from today I will change my identity as my current one becomes associated with this blog.

Then when I become that 80 year old woman, I will reunite with this me I am now, and I’ll address you lovely people once again.

~NaeNae~