When the Sky Fades from Electric Blue

Darling creature who treads water like land,

Is everything well ?

With every sentence I begin writing, thousands of words in every language dance with the sentiments I’d like to send your way.

Today I release myself temporarily from this mundane existence. Point A to Point B is no longer the distance from one significance to the next, but instead it becomes significant itself. In life I find we spend so much time analyzing what we can see that we forget to leave room for the things that we can’t.

Today I cannot dismiss my cravings for you like I can for the other things that can never be. I know that as time moves forward I’ll further fade from your mind, as you’ll fade from mine. However, it is up to our discretion to decide when time is relative to us enough to dictate such a thing. Yesterday my lingering feelings for you lived only in my dreams, but today I love you the same way I did when I said it to you the first time.

I pulled out a Christmas CD from 2019 and it reminded me of something that I’d never said.

I’m sorry.

Sometimes I didn’t forget, I just wasn’t listening.

I was too lost contemplating how unfathomable it was that the sound of your voice alone was so intoxicating, there wasn’t any room left to try and make sense of what you were actually saying.

I’ve avoided writing to you more because I never want our relationship to become a topic of conversation that ends with you deciding that our lingering contact has become unhealthy.

I still hope to be considered a friend to you forevermore.

You likely won’t hear from me for awhile after this, but I want you to know with no doubt in your mind that you will always be a bookmarked chapter in my life. I miss you and I’m forever grateful for the many ways you helped me grow in such a short time.

To avoid rambling forever, I’ll leave you with a question.

What do you feel when you forget what you know ?

With every drop of existence that I embody, I wish you good health.

– The crazy girl you had a fling with in 2019 💛

To The Future Blue 💙

You know, one time you woke up bleary eyed, and he said that the meaning of your name didn’t begin to describe the light that opening your eyes brought to the world.

You know, the first time he came over, your first interaction was him lifting a guitar and watermelon Jack Daniels and you lifting a wii remote and sleemans.

You know, one time before sex, he asked you to put on a rick and morty sweater. Not only did you do it, but you made a dance out of it too.

You know, one time you gave up your dream, because someone else had the same one, and the look in their eyes was defeated whenever you got a compliment instead of them. Now their well on their way to that dream.

You know, one time while you were working, you yelled in front of all the customers to your manager “I only take a shit when I’m getting payed for it!”.

You know, one time someone called you crude. So you giggled and burped in their face.

You know, one time you made an elderly lady laugh, because you convinced her that you’d turn all the workers of a bakery, into an orchestra that would take the world by storm.

You know, everytime you preached to no one and everyone, someone was listening.

You know, when a taller Daniel Radcliffe came into your work and you swooned, he swooned a bit too.

Did you know that even if they blame you, it doesn’t mean that it’s your fault.

Did you know that even though you weren’t loved when you needed to be, doesn’t mean that others won’t love you after.

Did you know ? Everytime you pushed them away, there was always someone that kept trying.

Did you realize ?? That through all those walls, someone still always slipped through ?

Did you know ??? That everytime you wanted to die and didn’t allow yourself, it was the universe telling you that you were meant for something more.

Did you know ? I love you.

I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you when you find this hidden in a dusty old notebook years from now.

Now, did you know ¿ That even though you couldn’t believe it, they love you too.

So when you read this, tell someone you love them. Because saying it, will never make you weak.

Did you know ? Love is stronger than anything?

Did you know ? You’ve always been capable of love, and love, you will always have.

~Blue

¿ Déjà Vu Who ¿

Reality, after reality, they loop endlessly/

Dancing down the line with that consistency/

A flow of people, with a thought weighing their minds.

I close my eyes, and imagine myself in each different reality/

Often simple changes, caused by small activities/

Like what I had eaten that day.

But sometimes it’s more all consuming/

and it almost begins to feel degrading/

Because suddenly, I’m living a completely new life.

I imagine that déjà vu is caused by my reality’s self shifting/

Realizing, that slowly, things continue changing/

Brushing close to another reality’s me, because we’re wandering down similar paths.

Or maybe it’s something completely different, like a similar memory/

From a past life, or even an old movie/

Or just simply, past me feeling myself doing what future me has already done

Joyful Simpleton X Tortured Genius

My lenses bear the scratches of my past, dreaming of their removal.

Seeing my eyes glisten, free at last to see clearly the life that I’ve made.

To appreciate fully what I’ve been given & what I gave.

To show through my eyes what I’m not willing to say.

“I love you X I hate you”

The horrid days that refuse to leave me sane.

But I know! One day my dream will come to pass.

My happiness won’t be questioned by self. I am me, and I am happy, & that is fact.

Sometimes I may forget myself & lose all tact, but to be the joyful simpleton itself is the greatest of acts.

June 13th, 2024.

In five years from today I’m going to send this blogs link to a friend of mine.

June 13th, 2024.

No one that knows me currently follows this blog.

I won’t share my name.

However one day when I’m 80 years old, I’ll have 3 foot long black hairs dangling from my chin. Dragons tattooed on both upper arms, flying as I jiggle my chicken fat whilst chasing hooligans down the street, naked save for a diaper and clacking tongs, screaming “I’ll get you for this”.

I will release my true name.

In five years from today I will change my identity as my current one becomes associated with this blog.

Then when I become that 80 year old woman, I will reunite with this me I am now, and I’ll address you lovely people once again.

~NaeNae~

Mother’s Day 2017

Like an oak, unique and divine,

With beautiful brilliants, for eternity you shine.

Through growing roots across the dirt,

You spread beneath the earths hidden yert.

Over time yourself, and all, will truly see.

Across the world, you live as a piece of every flower, and every tree.

Happy Mother’s Day to the beautiful soul that is you. Love, your grateful daughter❤️

Mining for Gold ✨

My eyes flutter

I slowly become aware of the alarm blaring at my bedside

I search the bed

Eyes slammed closed by the weight of the past

I shut it off with my left hand

Then I lay

Digging away

Dirt beneath my nails

Mining in the deepest depths of myself

To find something that could will me awake

To face another day

To wear a smile I can actually feel

And each day

My labour is fruitful

A hidden gold nugget of hope

Found by my pick axe like food stuck between my teeth

But everyday

Entails a lot of mining

And a lot of foraging

To keep my smiles bright

This morning

I worry

I don’t think I have any left

The Process Repeats

Taking a deep breath.

Like I do at the end of every day.

To let it go, release,

all the good and the bad.

But that doesn’t mean that the memory isn’t still there.

Sometimes I remember so well,

that it doesn’t feel like I’m remembering.

It feels like I’m experiencing,

those feelings,

Energies.

Things I’d already felt and let go of,

long ago.

The process repeats.